After life knocked me down, stomped on me, chewed me up and then spit me out last year, a friend said to me, “you need to take some time to heal”. I looked at her dumbfounded and thought to myself, what does that even mean? What is healing exactly? In that moment, I realized I was operating in survival mode. Just pushing everything down so it looked and felt like I was ok. But in truth I wasn’t. From the death of my mother, to having Covid, to moving into my new home all around the same time, I was just functioning.
Healing is different for everyone. For some, it’s taking time away from everything. Going somewhere secluded to just be by themselves. For others, it’s leaning on their friends and family, someone they can just fall apart with, knowing they will be fully supported. But for me, personally, it meant turning to God. I bought a journal and just started writing to Him. I tell Him my fears, my losses, and my triumphs. I know He already knows, but there is something cathartic about writing it down. I also immerse myself in Christian music. I play it while I am driving, working, cooking, walking or just sitting around. As I think about it, it has been a while since I’ve listened to popular music. But the bottom line is, there is no “one size fits all” in the healing process. We just need to find what is best for ourselves.
So, am I healed? No. Am I still just functioning? No. For the first time in a long time, I am living. I am present. And it feels pretty good.